Wedding Planning ~ The Countdown

 

Members of The MOB on Facebook have asked if I could share planning details created from my timeline leading up to Kate’s wedding.  Even as Kate celebrates her 5th Wedding Anniversary, I was able to dig out my 9X6 spiral binder with all my notes.  As I read through my tasks I realize they are too specific to me; you won’t have to pick Matt up at the airport.

While I figure how best to present my timeline, let me offer some thoughts for your consideration just to get you thinking…

Ten days out….

Contact all vendors one last time.

Making a vendor list with contact name, phone number and e-mail addresses early on in planning is critical.  Do include their cell phone numbers in case you need to contact them the day of the wedding.  Have this list available to you the entire weekend of the wedding.

You will need to confirm dates, times and expected responsibilities with each vendor and ask if they have any questions.

Before making these calls…. and this is where visualizing comes in…picture in your mind what that vendor needs to do to get his/her job done.

For example:

Florist ~ Does the florist know where to deliver the boutonnières? (We had ours delivered to the church.) The bridesmaid flowers?  Do you need someone at the church to receive your flowers? If you had a special corsage made for Grandma, who is responsible for making sure she receives it?

Musician ~ Will your church organist be playing music while people are being seated?  (Ours showed up right as Kate walked down the aisle.  Talk about panic.) Will the band be set up to play music during the cocktail hour?

Photographer ~ Is your photographer clear on where he will meet you for photos?  Think through the time needed for dressing your bride and having a photo shoot.  Be sure to allow plenty of time for both.  Be clear a head of time on what family photos are to be taken.  Time flies the day of the wedding and you don’t want to regret missing out on important pictures.

I know these sound like details that should be discussed during planning, but trust me, it is the small special details that often fall through the cracks.  I remember my girlfriend being so disappointed that her menu cards were not placed on the reception tables.  These are the items to be discussed one last time with your wedding vendors.

Go over your vendor list and make arrangements for any outstanding payments.  Will you need to bring checks to the wedding?

Make a list of all vendors you will be tipping.  Will you tip them in cash?

Prepare a detailed list of events, locations and times for your daughter’s Bridal Party and be sure everyone has a copy.  Weddings create a party atmosphere and this group gets especially distracted!

Think through the logistics of moving people around.

For example:

Wedding Party: Who will bring the groomsmen to the church?  Will they be taking a limo back to the reception venue?  If your groomsmen and bridesmaids are bringing dates, do they have transportation while their partner is in the limo?

Grandparents: I love to see Grandparents walk down the aisle at weddings.  They always appear so darn happy.  Be sure a family member is assigned to assist them during the day, as you will be needed elsewhere to fill your role as Mother of the Bride.

I hope this helps in getting you thinking about the final details leading up to your daughter’s walk down the aisle.  It seems like so much, but as you discover last minute items that need to be nailed down, you will also appreciate just how much work you have already done and what a fine job you did!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mothers, Daughters & Wedding Planning

With the wedding day behind her, have you ever heard a bride lament, “ I am so sad that all the wedding planning is over?”

There is a simple reason you don’t hear these words. Planning a wedding is a time consuming, expensive, and emotional period filled with decision making, drama, anxiety and lots and lots of second guessing.

After experiencing my wedding 30+ years ago I thought for sure weddings would become more simplified by the time I married any children. I was a teenager in the 70’s and during that time we were advocating peace, love and simplicity. Guess we didn’t do a good job getting our message across.

In fact, with the introduction of the information age, and access to more and more wedding products and reception options, weddings have become bigger and more complex. A Traditional Wedding is now known as the Ultimate Wedding.

Marriage is a time honored tradition all over the world. A wedding celebrates that marriage and defines it’s importance and value to society. Weddings are here to stay.

I am still amazed at the complexity of wedding planning, particularly the impact it has on the mother/daughter relationship. A bride’s wedding day is one of the most important days of her life. A mother (especially a rookie mom) and her daughter are handed a daunting task and told to have fun. WOW! I know I wasn’t prepared.

Wedding Stress: Breathe…Very Slowly

THE PROBLEM IS RARELY/NEVER THE PROBLEM. THE RESPONSE TO THE PROBLEM INVARIABLY ENDS UP BEING THE REAL PROBLEM.

I found this statement while cleaning out my desk drawer this morning. It was in a Power Point presentation used during a business conference I attended around the same time I was planning Katie’s wedding. To heck with business…I needed it for my wedding planning!

I don’t have to tell you the many decisions, choices, options and opinions a bride and her mother face while planning a wedding. Add to that the time sensitivity of all of it and it can drive you mad.

Do you know there are Wedding Stress Coaching services available to brides and mothers both in person and on-line? Of course, when the marketing material for these services describes wedding planning as “the most complex interpersonal experience in human life” I have to laugh. Try 36 years of marriage!

Personally, I have the habit of over working things. I like to second guess a decision, look at it from every angle; to be sure we have made the right choice. This drove Katie nuts. My constant analyzing of her ideas about the wedding made her feel that her decisions were never good enough. I got the reputation for being negative. Luckily, I picked up on this early enough to avoid serious damage to our team effort. I realized that my immediate over analyzing of every decision she made was the wrong response, and was causing a problem between us.

Us MOB have arrived at middle age, not by chance, but by hard work and experience. We know who we are…we recognize our personality flaws …whether perceived or real. (I say that because I have become very comfortable with myself. What I like best about myself, I know to be personality traits that make my kids cringe.) We all know our daughter’s hot buttons by now…and shame on us if we continue to push them…especially while working so closely together.

Yes, it is often the response to a problem that causes the problem. No wedding decision needs to be made in an instant. Our brides are often using us as a sounding board. They may not be looking for our opinion. And if they are, it doesn’t have to be immediate. This would be a great time to sign up for that Yoga class…the one that focuses on breathing and meditation. Breathe…very slowly.

Realistic Expectations

As the Mother of a Bride, we may not be on top of the latest designer wedding gowns, or the current trends in wedding celebrations. We may not be up to date with the extinction of the Head Table or the expansion of the Rehearsal Dinner.

However, as Mothers, experience is our greatest asset and most valuable contribution to our daughters as they begin planning their wedding. The experience of learning to set realistic expectations tops that list.

For example, if your daughter selects best friends who live far away to be in her wedding party, distance may limit the girls’ ability to attend wedding celebrations and planning functions. If this is important to your bride, she may want to reconsider her choices.

When beginning to plan, it is important that the budget, reception venue, and guest list all be compatible. Putting a deposit on an expensive wedding site, only to discover you now need to subtract from your guest list to stay in budget, will be disappointing to your bride.

Frequently, a bride’s frustration comes from decisions made too quickly. Early on, a Mother’s most valuable contribution is to listen to her bride, ask the important questions, and help her daughter maintain realistic expectations.