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How the MOB Can make the MOG Feel More Included

March 22, 2012 By Maureen Chapdelaine Leave a Comment

Tim Stout has many years experience in the wedding industry. He works for Advantage Bridal who is a leading online retailer of all wedding accessories you are looking for– bridal shoes, bridal garters and bikinis, and even a wedding cake topper. Tim loves blogging about weddings and seeing happy and stress-free brides.

As the mother of the bride (MOB), you have dreamed about your daughter’s wedding for a long time. It’s her day to shine and you want to do all you can to make sure her wedding day is perfect. As the MOB, you can’t forget about the mother of the groom (MOG), who has also dreamed about this important day and wants to be involved in the wedding planning in order to make it successful. The last thing you want to do is make the MOG feel lowly and out of the loop. A wedding isn’t just a celebration of love, it’s also a celebration of bringing two families together. Here are few things to keep in mind to keep the MOG involved:

When the engagement is announced you should call the MOG as soon as you find out to share the excitement. If you live close to each other then get together for lunch.

Have a discussion with the MOG about wedding duties and get a feel for how involved she wants to be. Don’t just assume because you are the MOB it’s your show. Setting duties up in advance will help you avoid conflicts as you get closer to the big day.

Talk about wedding dress expectations early on. You might have a simple suit in mind where as the MOG might want to wear a ball gown she could wear to the Emmy’s. Send each other photos of the dresses you are trying on or go dress shopping together. You should both look great and have similar styles so one mother isn’t way more dressed up than the other.

Show the MOG some photos or websites that you are considering for the reception site and vendors. If you aren’t planning those aspects of the wedding but are in the loop about where the wedding will be held, share that excitement with the MOG.

Ask the MOG to come up with a list of people she would like to invite to the wedding. Be interested in her guest list and ask her about her favorite relatives and best friends. Even if you have a set number of people you want to invite, be flexible and understanding.

Traditionally the MOG gets to host the rehearsal dinner. Ask her if she needs help planning it, but as a rule of thumb this is her time to shine so let her do her thing.

Don’t put your kids in the middle. If you don’t have a close relationship with the MOG, don’t go through your kids to talk to her because that will drive you apart even further.

Don’t criticize her to your child. The last thing you want to do is cause animosity with your daughter and her fiancé.

A small gesture like getting matching MOB and MOG wine glasses or personalized wedding tee- shirts will go a long way.

The last thing you should do is talk about the future as a family together. Talking about sharing holidays, vacations and other special events together will let her know you are excited about being a family. Remember it’s as exciting for her as it is you.

 

Filed Under: Mother of the Bride, mother of the groom, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Wedding Planning ~ Congratulations Matt & Tracy

August 5, 2011 By Maureen Chapdelaine 8 Comments

We have been waiting.  We knew it would happen.  And when Paul’s cell phone rang last Friday night at 7:30 Chicago time my heart skipped a beat.

I am going to be a Mother of the Groom!

There is so much I want to tell you; my feelings of waiting for my son’s commitment to his girlfriend of several years, the excitement of being a Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom simultaneously, and the expectations I have set for myself to be the best Mother of the Groom ever.

But for now, I would like to share the one feeling that has captured my attention. I realize how fortunate my children are to have found such wonderful partners to share in their lives.  Tracy is not only beautiful and fun loving; she is kind and supportive.  Tracy was by Matt’s side and nursed him to a full recovery after he was hit by an SUV crossing the street just last summer. She has been his confidant through challenging career decisions.

My daughters celebrated this past Christmas with their second families, leaving Tracy as my sole back-up at our family holiday gathering.  I watched as she stepped right in, gently maneuvering my elderly mother to her seat at the table, carefully opening her gifts for fear of tearing the shinny decorative wrappings, and nodding her head with a smile as Mom seemed to trail off into the past.  Despite the hectic pace of that day, I watched these acts of kindness with heartfelt emotion.  I could only hope that someday Matt would ask her to be his wife.

Congratulations on your engagement Matt and Tracy.  Dad and I are thrilled with your news and we welcome our new daughter-in-law into the family with open arms and happy hearts.

 

 

 

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Marisa Baratelli Talks Color Choice

December 18, 2010 By Maureen Chapdelaine 1 Comment

Marisa Baratelli is a dress designer who specializes in dresses for Mothers of the Bride and Mothers of the Groom. My experience working with the Sales and Marketing staff at Marisa Baratelli has always been pleasant and friendly and I do believe this company is sincere about making every woman feel special and elegant on her daughter or son’s wedding day.

I would like to share some thoughts on color choice from this designer with you.

“Marisa Baratelli believes in the power of color and every season color inspires and directs us to new designs. Each hue has a different energy quality and therefore attracts specific personalities and attitudes. Have you ever wondered why you always choose to wear a certain color season after season?

PURPLE

Purple has been a major spotlight color this fall season. It is seen on everything from shoes, to handbags, to overcoats, and more. What makes purple such a powerful hue? The answer lies in its noble origins. Once reserved only for royalty, natural purple dye was both rare and expensive. As purple was seen on the who’s who of any royal court, this power color became a symbol of status and dignity. Even now, a wearer of purple must be prepared to stand out as it is not a color for the mild. The mystical nature of Purple comes from its transformative properties that draw on a blend of passion from red and calm from blue. Because of this, purple is said to have the ability to increase creativity, inspiration, and intuition. It also has been known to expand generosity – making it a perfect pick for this season of giving.”

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Wedding Planning: Don’t Forget the Mother of the Groom

October 13, 2010 By Maureen Chapdelaine Leave a Comment

We enter the world of wedding planning at different levels of preparedness.  When Dan arrived for lunch one Saturday afternoon to ask for Katie’s hand in marriage, wedding planning was the furthest thing from my mind.  Worse…I had nothing in my mind as I had attended perhaps three weddings in the past ten years.  Add to the mix that my time and money were totally focused on a major home improvement project.

I entered the arena of wedding planning overwhelmed and ill prepared.  It took me six of Kate’s fourteen months of engagement to get up to speed.

I often look back and wonder how Dan’s mother survived those first six months.

I remember the six of us meeting for dinner in Boston to celebrate the engagement and upcoming wedding.   We did have fun getting to know each other, and embarrassing Kate and Dan reflecting on some of their childhood mishaps.  Certainly too soon to talk wedding the topic of wedding dresses did come up.  Isn’t that the first thing on the mind of a Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom? Wanting to appear casual, I fluffed the question off with a remark along the lines of whatever works.

What kind of an answer was that?  And to be honest, I really don’t remember ever calling her to talk over length, or color or style.  When I decided on my Mother of the Bride dress, did Kate call Dan’s mother to give her a heads up?  I don’t remember.

Why am I thinking about this now?  I recently had lunch with a friend who reminisced about her experience as a Mother of the Groom and the difficulty she had choosing her dress because of lack of communication from the bride and her mother.  Was she expected to wear a traditional style Mother of the Groom dress? What color?  How could she even begin to start looking?

While reacting to my friend’s story with concern, a knot grew in my stomach as I thought… “OMG! She is describing me!”

Regrets, I have a few, and if there was the opportunity for a do over planning Kate’s wedding, I would be more communicative with the Mother of the Groom. 

Besides, someday I may find myself wearing the hat of  Mother of the Groom.

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Mother of the Groom Dress ~ What You Wear

October 1, 2010 By Maureen Chapdelaine 1 Comment

Guest post by Jan Carter, MOG contributing member of The MOB Squad.

My son was married three years ago and it was one of the most memorable times for our family.  When the engagement was first announced it was pure excitement all around.  We began talking about all the plans that needed to be taken care of over the next year and a half.  As time progressed everything began to fall into place. Then suddenly it hit me, “What was I going to wear?”   Maybe for some mothers this isn’t a problem, but for me it was a disaster.  I began shopping both locally as well as out of town.  Nothing seemed to catch my eye.  My future daughter-in-law had put no pressure on me whatsoever.  She simply stated that whatever I liked would be fine with her. 

Time continued to pass and we were getting closer to the wedding.  Out of desperation, I finally went back to a local bridal shop looking for some help or advice.  We looked at several catalogs and finally I saw what I thought was the perfect dress for me.  “No problem” was what the sales woman told me, “I can have this dress in with plenty of time for alterations, if need be.”  Well that did not happen!  Two weeks before the wedding my dress arrived and was in need of major alterations; basically it didn’t fit at all.  The dress was so big that even when zipped up it fell to the floor.  A seamstress that I use frequently did the best she could under the circumstances, but the dress never really felt comfortable.

The day of the wedding finally arrived and I was dressed and ready, but all I could think of was how I wished I had found the “right” dress.  Then the ceremony began and I witnessed my son and his new wife saying their vows and, all of a sudden, what I was wearing and all the time that I fretted about this dress simply disappeared.

To see your child taking such a major step in his life was so meaningful and emotional that I finally came to the conclusion that What You Wear pales in significance to the wedding ceremony and all it represents.

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Mother of the Groom ~Together Again

August 11, 2010 By Maureen Chapdelaine 1 Comment

I am so pleased to introduce, Jan Carter, my cousin, as The MOB Squad - Mother of the Groom contributor.  Jan is here to answer your questions from the other side of the aisle!

Family relationships and/or dynamics can be pretty complex.  I say this because after over thirty years, I have finally reunited with my cousin Maureen Chapdelaine.  Growing up we spent lots of time together – sleepovers, vacations etc.  It was when we entered high school our families drifted apart.  For whatever reason, Maureen and I still have not been able to figure out.  Mothers can be very mysterious! (But that’s another whole article.)

It was just a few months ago when both of our Mothers’ reached a stage in their lives that they needed a lot of care.  Call it intuition, but for whatever reason, Maureen decided to call and give me up-dated information on her Mom (my Aunt).  That phone call was a blessing in disguise.  We began talking and realized that we had so much in common and lots of lost times that we could have been sharing in one another’s lives, for example, her daughter and my son’s weddings.  During that phone call we made plans to meet for lunch.  We spent four hours together on that lunch date just talking, laughing and getting to know one another again.  It was also during this time that Maureen gifted me the book she had written.  I was thrilled to receive the book and honored when she also asked if I would take part in her blog as a Mother of the Groom (MOG).

I decided to write my first piece explaining my relationship with Maureen and what impact families can have on one another.  All I can say is that I am thrilled to be in Maureen’s life again.  We both have children that are yet to be married, and the next time around, we will be able to share these wonderful events with each other!

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