The MOB Blog is pleased to introduce Chris Rosen, newest member of The MOB Squad.  Enjoy Chris’s insight on the multitude of wedding styles, and the impact these preferences will have on your wedding planning. 

I’d been using the term “Rustic Elegance” for months to describe the style of my daughter’s fall wedding, and was a little surprised by this title, “Vintage Urban,” on our last invoice. But I guess, in the wedding biz, everybody has a certain style. Since our wedding took place in an apple orchard, with dinner served family style under a tent, followed by rooftop dancing and dessert in the city afterward, we fit that “Vintage Urban” vibe. Also, our daughter was wearing her Grandmother’s vintage 1950’s designer gown, which probably sealed the deal. But how do you know your wedding style, let alone your Mother-of-the-Bride style?

If I’ve learned one thing through this past year, it’s been to listen to your daughter – to listen between the lines of what she tells you she’d like for her wedding. Imagine you’re about to decorate a blank room. Most designers will say to start with the rug. Its style and color will determine the next choice. Most people would say to pick your venue first, and then go bridal gown shopping. But let’s start with your daughter, do you have an “Alternative Artsy” bride; the kind who might wear a feathered hat with red heels? Or do you have a “Traditional Southern” bride; the girl who hops into her ball gown with cowgirl boots?  Or what about that “Sexy Stiletto” bride; admit it, you’ve watched the reality show, “Say Yes to the Dress.” There is a wide spectrum of bride styles and your little girl will slowly gravitate toward her dream dress. Maybe she cut it out of a magazine in high school. Or maybe, like mine, she has no idea and ends up trying on hundreds of gowns. Her style, in my mind, will help to determine your venue.

I knew I had a rather “Exhausted Alternative” bride.” She was working multiple shifts in a hospital Emergency Room, throwing her circadian rhythm off and her patience out the window. She lived over five hundred miles away, and had been wearing scrubs for the past three years. At first she wanted us all to go to a beach, just the immediate family, which was the plan. We started looking at light weight, beachy dresses. But in time, she succumbed to a relatively small wedding in our fair city. The orchard is where she and her groom had picked apples each fall, and she always baked him a pie. Yes, it was love by pie and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Well, that and his lovely wit, his dashing good looks and ability to make her laugh at the most inopportune times. My best friend said, “They get each other,” and they do. So what if I had to import the tent, the silverware and dishes, the tables, the generator, oh, and the kitchen tent to an orchard. This was what she wanted. I would have to correct people who said it will be exactly what I want. No, I’d say if it were my wedding I’d be having it at a winery, or an historic inn, someplace with a roof and all the rest of it.

And this is where your Mother-of-the-Bride style is born. I have a cousin who just looked me straight in the eye one day and said, “I wouldn’t stand for that.” She was talking about the orchard; apple and peach trees with basically a good view of the mountains in a field. She put her foot down at her daughter’s wedding, it was held in a wedding palace; I call this style the “Major Domo.” Mom plans, daughter actually listens and obeys. Imagine? This MOB takes over and may consult on seating arrangements, or she may not. My hat is off to you if you can swing this with your daughter. It works for my cousins. They are still talking.

Last year my sister-in-law married her California daughter at home in her beautiful Mississippi garden, complete with pavilion. She planned it all because her sweetly compliant daughter let her, no actually encouraged her. Let’s call this style, “Southern Charm.”  It’s like Paula Deen met Martha Stewart in a blizzard of wedding planning and all you had to do was check your blood pressure when it was all over. She was an Ole Miss beauty queen who grew up in her town, and had family and friends galore to help with every detail. Heavenly wedding, oh how I longed for just a little autonomy…

And now we come to the bride who actually wants a say; the opinionated daughter who may not live close by, but still wants to participate in every aspect of her Big Day. You know her; you raised her to be independent and decisive. What do you do? Somewhere between the Doormat MOB style and Mommie Dearest lies the answer. When she says “No” to fancy floral centerpieces, you get baskets of apples and tie up small lavender and rosemary bouquets garnis. When she says it’s OK to feed half the guests standing, a heavy appetizer-type dinner, while the other half have chairs and tables, you slowly explain how long farm tables under a tent would be much better for the “older guests.” And you say “Yes” to no seating arrangements; no wedding cake; no MC or DJ; no bridesmaids. We have specially made Celtic Cupcakes to represent their shelter dogs Guinness (chocolate) and Bailey (butter cream icing), the groom programs his iPod for the reception, and her best friend is a perfect Maid of Honor.

At the very last minute, you manage to attain some equilibrium by having her Father talk to her. This is a last resort, like bringing in the big guns. I tried teaching my daughter to drive, but after we hydroplaned through five trees and took down a sign called “Hope Road,” I knew when to give it up to Dad. He gently explained why not bringing the above mentioned canines to stay at our house during the wedding weekend with our two dogs was really for the best.

And that, as it turned out, is my MOB style – gently forceful, accommodating, and respectful. It is pretty much a mirror image of my parenting style. It is after all, her wedding. I like to call it “Serene Karma.” Just follow her lead, with a little playful nudging.