Most people are uncomfortable discussing money, especially with total strangers. How many times would that actually happen anyway? I found it happened plenty and continues to, even after my weddings are done. We have two more in our family coming up, so in the nicest way possible, I’ve actually talked about costs.

Unless you have bottomless pockets, weddings cost a lot of money, and somebody has to pay for them. Many parents feel like it’s their obligation to cover the entire cost, while many others have chosen to selectively decide what expenses they’ll cover. There’s a million ways you can approach it, and if it’s always been your plan to pay for everything, then by all means have at it!

We, unfortunately, (or stupidly) didn’t plan ahead, and thought we’d just work it out when the time came.

What we decided to do was to give them each a ‘gift’ of a certain amount, and let them plan as they wished, no strings attached. For some people, paying for the wedding makes them feel entitled to having everything their way. Everything becomes a ‘must have’ rather than a ‘want’, and it can be even worse when that sense of ‘entitlement’ drives people away. Even tho they may want your help, I’ve found that it’s much easier on your relationship with them (the bride & groom) to let THEM make the final decisions, even if you have to bite off your tongue in the process. It just isn’t worth it to cause hurt feelings by deciding FOR them or that your way is the only way. Step away from the table and let them work it out.

I admit I was a crazy woman with my shopping, and I did much of it too soon. I had no idea things would change so much, so in my zeal to be ahead of the game, I bought and stored and wasted WAY too many items. While it can be hard to do, wait until you have a definite venue and plan to begin shopping around. My basement and garage are still filled with what we never used, and I’m hoping someone in my family will need them this year,or off to GoodWill they go!

It most definitely pays to shop around for what you need, and Google will be your best friend! Shipping expenses will add to the overall cost, so be sure to figure that in before you decide if what you’re getting is really a good deal. Another piece of advice I have for online shopping is to make sure you read the descriptions of the items, and ask questions before you buy. I ‘thought’ I found the perfect apothecary jars for the candy buffet, but was really disappointed when they arrived. They were way too small to use (I never checked the sizes!), but they were good for any tiny candies and to fill out the table. I also bought several sizes and shapes of organza overlays in both fuschia and black, which turned out to be a good thing. I needed some color in a few areas, and the hotel asked for any leftovers I had to use for the cocktail hour to carry the colors through in that room too. I never even thought about it, and I was unbelievably prepared!

We made OOT (out of town) guest bags to be delivered on check-in. They were MUCH appreciated and commented on, so I’m glad we did them.

We hired an up and coming photographer who was anxious to shoot the wedding at this particular hotel, as he used to work there. He gave us a great price for his services, was unobtrusive throughout the day, and did get most of the photos I wanted. He missed a few that I thought were no-brainers for a Pro, but since he wasn’t one (yet), I had to expect a few mistakes. If there are certain things you don’t want to miss, make a list for your photographer and periodically check with him to make sure he took them. He may have to pull you away from the fun, but isn’t it better to have the pictures you want than to cry about it later?

I spent too much on wedding items specific to the bride. She has tiny but wide feet, so any time I saw a pair of shoes  I thought she’d like, I bought them. We ended up with three pairs, with only one being used. Since her gown was diamond white and champagne, we weren’t sure which color veil would be best~so we bought two of them, and only one looked perfect. I also bought her two handbags (one was a clutch) for her to have with her for her handkerchief, lipstick, breath mints, etc., but she never used even one of them. The parasols were used only for pictures (and got ruined in the rain), and the black and fuschia fans we laid on the guests seats  for the ceremony in case it was hot were also wasted. The set of garters I bought her she thought were too pretty, so she didn’t want him to even throw the toss one…but he did anyway. Speaking of tosses….I actually forgot about a toss bouquet! Good thing I had brought some of the real touch silks I had in her colors, since I used one of them tied in a bouquet for some color near the candy buffet. She used that to do the bouquet toss!

My disappointments in the overall wedding were minimal, and I brought most of them on myself ~ if I’m being honest. Nothing is ever perfect, and by trying to achieve perfection, we may be setting ourselves up for ongoing sadness once it’s over.

The food was fabulous, the bartenders and drinks were great, and the service was impeccable, so how can I complain?

We handed out a lot of tips that night, so if you’re planning on them, have the envelopes ready and marked before the end of the night. Don’t give them to anyone except those you’re tipping.

Our bartenders (2), DJ, event manager and maitre’d were each given $100., and 10 servers@ $50. each. The photographer was mailed his seperately, as somehow we couldn’t find him! Our venue charged a 20% gratuity plus a 7% service charge, but we tipped anyway because people worked their tails off to make sure our event was as good as it could be.  The best part of the tipping was how genuinely surprised and appreciative they all were.

My nephew is getting married next July, so I’ve been pulling out my book to tell my SIL where I bought things and what exactly I paid for. It was pretty simple…I paid for it all! I bought both BM dresses (twice) as well as the flowergirl’s dress (twice), all the bride’s attire and alterations, and every piece of decor we used anywhere, the invitations, postage…I think you get the idea.  I did it gladly, but wished I’d have been smarter about it as I’ve already mentioned.

Be as organized as you can, decide how much you’re willing to spend, and kick up your feet and relax when it’s all over!